Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
