we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
