After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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