i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
