If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
And then my night got REAL pukey
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Drunk is not a location!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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