You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize