the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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