Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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