I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
