that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
