have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
