I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
