i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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