mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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