so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
