someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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