also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
