On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
