It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
i think my cat just said my name.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
