just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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