I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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