my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
