I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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