this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
