dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
