I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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