He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
