why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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