Apparently you make a good broom.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
