I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
