Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
