i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
