Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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