so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
