so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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