we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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