Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
