wakey wakey hands off snakey
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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