I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
