we're chasing vodka with high fives
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
