this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
