guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
