dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i drank out of a bidet.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
