erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
