My brain says no but my pants say off.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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