quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
