I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
