I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Randomize
