Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
40s are totally the cure
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
