o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
