i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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