Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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