the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
