paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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