They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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