After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
