I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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