He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
