I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
