I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My balls are so social today.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
