I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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