Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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