with your own penis?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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