So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
