sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
