It's Friday. Sex?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
