i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Your penis caused this!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
