I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
