how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
