My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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