come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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