i was born a porn star she said
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
